That’s the question that is often asked right at the outset, when many people consider trying out a little dominance and submission. After all, a BDSM relationship at some point usually includes some kind of punishment and pain. Will it hurt? How much? Just what is so sexy about pain anyway? Very few people are born masochists, those who take pleasure out of what to the rest of us is pain with nothing enjoyable to it. And yes, I said “us” there, because that is the set to which I belong: I do not enjoy pain for pain’s sake.
But I am in a BDSM relationship, as the submissive, and that “M” stands for “masochism.”
So what gives?
Why Punishment at All?
The first question to be raised is: why do us kinksters feel the need to punish or be punished at all?
The first thing to understand is that while punishment often includes pain, it does not have to be physical pain. A punishment could constitute a restriction on behavior, or having to say or do something we do not want to do. So a punishment may not be a physical pain, but can still be something that causes discomfort.
Like most things the reasons can be as myriad as the people who practice it, but they often boil down to just two kinds of reason, the psychological and the physical:
Exercise of Authority: For the dominant person in the relationship, the inflicting of punishment establishes beyond doubt that they are the person in charge. It can be a real thrill to have that much power over someone, and a great ego-boost that they will submit to you – either they love you that much, or they respect you that much that they place themselves completely in your hands.
Practice of Submission: Likewise for the submissive person being punished reinforces their role in the relationship. It’s an act of great trust to put your ass on the line for someone, after all. It really formalizes the roles in the relationship, by placing them in the ultimate roles of the person that lays down the law and the person who submits to it.
Guilt: Now here’s a thing: a lot of us feel guilty for things we may have done, even after we have apologized for them and been forgiven. It’s perhaps natural to feel the need for a penance, to perform some task to prove we are sorry for what may have been done. Likewise for the person wronged it may well be a case that they need to see proof of contrition in the person who wronged them. A physical punishment, placing yourself in another’s hands, is a very powerful statement of this on both sides. It gives either or both a way to take it on the chin, and then move on. Once it’s done, there’s no more agonizing over it, and that can be a very healthy thing for all concerned.
Humiliation: This might seem a no-brainer to begin with, that someone would not enjoy being humiliated, but some of us do. Actually, quite a lot of us – how many girls like to be smacked on the ass during sex, get their hair pulled, be called names and talked dirty to? Our culture seems to see pleasure as something we should feel guilty about, something dirty, so when enjoying ourselves we love to throw off those confines and really indulge ourselves. So by descending right into a role of being humiliated we are doing this – and so it’s not so surprising that the person being punished can get horny as hell in the process.
Being punished can be immersing you in that humiliation, or it can be a confirmation that you have, in fact, been a very bad girl indeed…isn’t that a thought to give you a flush of guilty pride?
Pleasure: Let’s backtrack to the question of “enjoying” pain, and consider what happens when you get close to your pain threshold: your body reacts to the pain by producing endorphins like morphine to dull the pain, and adrenaline to help you fight through the situation. Morphine is, of course, very addictive and enjoyable. We do other things to induce these hormones – thrill seekers go out to find situations that are scary, or that test them to the limits. That’s why we love roller-coaster rides, or horror movies, or extreme sports.
Or a spanking.
When you get pushed to your limit you get that rush and it can be a great experience on its own, and it enhances any sex you might be doing at the time. In fact a practice I know some do is that they will use that rush to take their submissive over the brink into one last climax after they have otherwise been played out.
People really can be conditioned to cum from being tortured without being masochists. It’s not the pain that does it, but the body’s reaction to the pain. Me, I don’t like pain for it’s own sake, but I love a spanking for the thrill it makes me feel.
Ritual: People love to ritualize things. We celebrate birthdays and holidays, and these are rituals we do. Rituals are done to formalize an event, to make it more real. They build anticipation and place us in the right mindset to enjoy the celebration. In this way rituals enhance the experience we are going through, and make them more interesting.
A lot of couples that enjoy a BDSM relationship also enjoy a formal way of exercising punishment scenarios. This has to be done or that has to be done, and the start of the ritual is the queue that things are about to get…interesting. The ritual does not have to be the same one every time, either, just as long as a ritual is performed. It can be as simple as fetching the punishment tool to as complex as dressing in a school uniform, standing contrite as you recite a list of your transgressions, then stripping naked, crawling on all fours to fetch a punishment implement in your mouth, and placing yourself in a punishment position and begging to be punished after being blindfolded and handcuffed.
Like everything else, it’s what works for you.
Being Bad: Would it be a surprise to anyone not in the scene, after reading this, that many submissives deliberately break their rules in order to get punished? Yeah, we do, guilty as charged. Because getting punished very often puts submissive and dominant in the mood to play more after the punishment is over. I tease Master a lot, he spanks me, then the fun really starts…and we both love it.
Where to Start
So that’s why the punishment of a submissive can be fun for all involved. SO how do you start out?
The first thing to understand is that everyone has limits, and if you are a beginner at this the limits are likely going to be very low, and that’s OK. You have a safe-word, so you do not have to suffer any further than you are willing to allow – it’s that issue of consent again. Make sure that your partner knows your limits, as well, and understands all your concerns if you have any.
We all have a pain threshold which is the point for us where pain becomes unbearable. Up until that point pain is, well, still pain, but it’s bearable, it’s a sensation that need not be unpleasant. As we grow older, and as we experience pain in our lives, so our pain threshold’s increase. The art of playing with someone’s pain is to make sure the sensation stays below that threshold for that person, or that it only exceeds it for very short periods of time.
The idea of inflicting pain this way is to make the sensation intense, but not agonizing. You want to get to the pain threshold in order to let the endorphins flow and the excitement build, but not pass it. There are several different ways of inflicting punishments. The most common is inflicting pain in sharp bursts such as by striking the submissive, but there are other ways as well – placing them in a stress position, confining movement, breathing control, and using devices that inflict a steady level of pain – like pinching the skin in sensitive places, stressing them with weights or ties, and so on.
As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, a good place to start punishing a submissive is from a spanking with a bare hand. The hand is a very versatile and sensitive instrument that allows you to gauge how hard you hit and how much hurt you are inflicting very accurately. Whether you stick with it or move on to other methods, it’s a great place to start.
The most important thing is to make sure both parties know what is to come, what to expect, and that there is a safe-word established. While some experienced couples will strike one another in very sensitive areas, the good old bottom is the best place to start: it’s not too sensitive, it is a little sexual, and it’s hard to hurt someone too seriously there with just your hand. A bare-hand spanking will give you a nice warm glow there, and the “glow” feeling is the thing that will give you a long-term slow release of endorphins.
You can also use pinching and slapping other body parts – it all depends on the people involved. I know some doms that like to slap a sub’s face, and some subs that like that – I personally do not, slapping the face is too disrespectful in my mind (yes I just said that), but it’s what works for them. Tweaking nipples for example can vary in pain from just enough to stimulate, to agonizing.
Whatever equipment you decide to invest in, make sure it’s by mutual agreement – this may sound like a contradiction in terms in a D/S relationship, but consider that there’s not much fun buying an expensive item that has your sub squeaking their safe-word whenever it makes an appearance.
Remember that the BDSM relationship is as much about what the submissive is prepared to cede as it is about the control the dominant wishes to exert…
Two linked stories feature a professional “slave-trainer” who makes an appearance in two different series’ – the character of Dominic Adcock, History teacher and Dominant. Dominic trains girls to be slaves for other people. It’s not that he doesn’t want his own, he just hasn’t met the right girl yet. He is, however, an excellent teacher, although he does stress the sexual angle a great deal…
Excerpt from Obediently Schooled:
Mr. Adcock reached into his desk without his gaze moving from Ava’s face, and took out an object. A moment later something cool slipped around Ava’s throat and drew tight. It was not so tight it restricted her, but she could feel its presence and its weight.
“From now on, you are to obey me to the letter, to the best of your ability, Ava,” Mr. Adcock told Ava firmly. She shivered, feeling the weight of the collar increase. “You will address me in private as Master Dominic. Do you understand?”
How did I just agree to this? Ava wondered, and why does it feel so good?
“Yes, Master Dominic,” she said aloud. The name rolled off her tongue. Rather than feeling humiliated, or oppressed, she had a tremendous sense of liberation.
“We’ll make more inroads against your lack of self-control, Ava, now we know how to relax you,” Master Dominic added. “Now take off your blouse and your bra.”
Ava shivered with excitement and her fingers fumbled with her blouse. She could stop. She knew she could stop…she just didn’t want to stop. This situation, stripping for her teacher in an empty classroom, was so incredibly erotic, and she was so horny in spite of her sore cheeks. No, in fact her sore ass was making it even more arousing: Master Dominic was in charge, he was running the show, and her ass knew it.
Her blouse slipped off her shoulders, and a moment later her breasts were released and revealed by her bra as she shrugged it off her shoulders. Master Dominic’s hands moved down, stroking across her skin, cupping her orbs in those warm hands. His thumbs caressed her hard nipples, and they tingled hard and sent a shiver down her spine to rest in her steaming pussy.
“Very nice,” he murmured. Ava leaned into his touch; she was desperate, but at the same time very calm. She’d agreed to do whatever he said, so she simply waited for him to give her instructions. Rather than constrained she was experiencing a sense of freedom: she didn’t need to worry about anything.
“Kneel,” he commanded. “You know what to do.”
Ava’s legs seemed to fold under her of their own accord as she knelt in front of her teacher. Her hands reached toward the bulge in his pants, easing the zip down, her slender fingers slipping inside. She shivered as they brushed the silky skin and firm flesh of his cock as she liberated it. His dick was warm, pulsing and firm, standing out straight and proud. She inhaled, the scent of his musk with a hint of a bitter tang as his foreskin rolled back to reveal the dark red-purple of his cockhead.
You know what to do.
His words echoed in her mind as she leaned forward to place a kiss on the tip of his prick. Her soft lips met his most sensitive skin, and she tasted his slightly musty, salty taste as her tongue darted out to tickle the little opening there. Then she swirled her tongue slowly around the head, spreading a mixture of his pre-cum and her saliva over it. Her mouth opened wider as she drew the whole of his cockhead into her mouth and she started to suck him slowly. Her eyes closed, she felt even more tension drain out of her body and mind.
This was relaxing, blissful, and fulfilling all on its own: she would please her Master, and he would please her later. Ava had no idea how she knew this, it just seemed right. It was like blowing a boyfriend; it made them yours, showed them what she could do, and put them in her debt. But while normally doing so gave her a sense of power, in this case it was an act of submission – and for some reason she found this an even more powerful turn-on.
Her hand wrapped around his shaft and squeezed it firmly, and started moving back and forth in time with her head. Her other hand gripped his hip and steadied her against him as she sucked his cock.
“Oh yes…not bad…” Master Dominic sighed blissfully. “Now, clasp your hands behind your back, and just use your mouth.”
Ava’s eyes popped open wide and she looked up at her Master. She’d never deep-throated before, but that was what it seemed he wanted. Her hands released him, and she clasped them tight behind her back. Ava sucked and drew his firm cock deeper into her mouth, as deep as she could, before easing back. She sucked hard and deep on each stroke, and his hand rested on the back of her neck, sending a prickle down her back. As she sucked him in, his hand pressed a little, making her take just a little more cock than she had planned.
She gave a meek little sound, feeling her body quiver delightfully. He was taking control, pushing her limit. As her head bobbed back and forth he took control of the rhythm and depth. Before long his cockhead was touching the back of her throat, and she fought the urge to gag – successfully. She felt a rush of pride that she was taking his cock all the way into her mouth.
Trained for Love:
Barnes & Noble: http://tinyurl.com/p828pkc
Barnes & Noble: http://tinyurl.com/ptd4hry