I’ve always said that there is more to BDSM than just sex and spanking (or spanking and sex, as the usual order). It’s about trust, intimacy, and communication more than anything else, and where this usually comes in is in the part that most stories tends to blur over, the bit that comes after the spanking, and after the sex. One writer I know called it “aftercare” which is a good description, but it’s not always care as such. What is going on afterwards is just as important as what goes on before…
The Tender Side
After the hardcore action, the aftercare is the tender side of BDSM. It doesn’t change the roles of Top and Bottom at all, they are still present, but the Top can show his softer side to a contrite Bottom, showing that he or she cares deeply for their submissive. In this time the Top can give the Bottom what they need, be it rest, cuddles, treatment, or even more discipline. There are as many different approaches to this as there are people practising BDSM, everyone does things their own way and whatever way you want is yours to choose.
If you have just had a major session on a slave’s ass, what may be called for immediately afterwards is first aid: soothing antiseptic cream is always a good idea to apply to any spanked area, even if the skin hasn’t been broken. Applying it is a caring act of intimacy, and can be a sensual one as well. A lot of couples will use this stage of post-punishment to lead into the sexual side of things, rather than post-sexually, as it can lead very naturally into love-making. Others use it as a prelude to a gentler second round, and others after all the action as part of the cool-down.
If you need more than just cream, you should have full first-aid kit always ready. Myself, I don’t go into a level of punishment that ends up requiring dressings, but there are some out there that do. If so it is important to do that treatment as soon as the punishment is over, and not to skimp on it.
Cuddles & Petting
If you are into pet-play, or parent/child role-play, a punishment can often be terminated with affection: cuddles, kissing, and petting are there to reassure the Bottom that they are loved and appreciated and treasured for who and what they are. It’s part of the reward phase for them taking the submissive role in the relationship. For many into this aspect of the scene, this phase can be the entire point of the play: You’ve been bad, you’ve been punished, and now you are loved. Whether you are giving your pony a good rub down, or cuddling and nursing your sissy, or holding your slave close and telling them how much you love them, this is where you lay on all the reassurance and praise that can be the make-up for the previous humiliation and pain.
For some, the aftermath is not so much aftercare as after-punishment. The slave has been punished, restrained, and used, and now gets an extended period in bondage while the owner rests. Such bondage is usually not painful, but can be comfortable or uncomfortable, depending on the Top and Bottom. Care should always be taken to ensure there is no danger to the submissive – leaving someone crucified or hanging upside-down has inherent dangers, and can lead to serious injury or even death, so use this option carefully.
Options that are safer might be putting your slave to bed in a vacuum bed to sleep, or leaving them suspended in rope-bondage (ensure no ropes are cutting off circulation, though). Leaving the sub in a stress position can be done, but ensure that they can’t slip and injure themselves. However you do it, ensure that the sub has some means of signalling if they are in distress.
Again, for some this is the whole point, either giving the Top their Bottom as a display piece, or the Bottom enjoying an extended period of restraint they can feel suitably helpless in.
In some cases, degradation is what the submissive desires, and in this case there is no “aftercare” – they are instead sent packing, or discarded, or told to clean up and fix diner. It’s not my thing, but to be treated as worthless is what some submissives absolutely love. However, from those I have talked to and experienced, this is actually quite rare. Far more common are wannabe dominants who think that treating people like dirt is what it’s all about…so be warned: always discuss aftercare along with every other aspect of your relationship beforehand. Discovering that your partner just wants to punish and use you when what you were looking forward to was a cuddle with your bum gently glowing can hurt.
I’ve mentioned before how the BDSM relationship is dominated by the needs of the submissive as much of not more than the needs of the dominant, and in the aftercare this is often where their emotional needs are brought to completion. It’s as important as the rest of the scene you indulge, and it’s often where the submissive, or Bottom, is shown the appreciation they deserve. It can be really important, so never miss out on it…
Of course this is one of my posts, and that wouldn’t be complete without a teaser from one of my stories. Here’s one from Lydia’s Path #10: Hostess…just because, really 😛
“Lydia, we are expecting Master Daimon as our guest this afternoon, and I am assigning you to be his hostess,” Mistress instructs me, with a smirk that says she knows full well how I feel about Master Daimon. “I shall leave it to your initiative how to dress, our maid services will be dealt with by Danielle this evening. You have an hour to prepare before he arrives.”
“Yes Mistress,” I say, and kneeling I kiss her feet before rising again and scampering upstairs, already excited.
In the bathroom I share with Amanda I ease out my tail and take a second quick shower – this time with hot water – before returning to our room and opening my wardrobe. I look at the selection of clothes there. Very little of it is what I would call “street wear” and in any event that’s certainly not going to be the dress code for tonight. Most of my wardrobe are fetish outfits and costumes, and I work through them. The maid uniform I normally wear is out, I am not to be a maid for tonight. I pause at my pink latex catsuit, but decide against it. I know Daimon and what he likes, and that makes the choice easy for me to please him.
Humming cheerfully I select my lingerie: a white, frilly, but fairly scanty bra, panties, and suspender belt and slip them on. Next I roll a pair of black, seamed fishnet stockings up my legs and secure them. A short-sleeved crisp white blouse follows, with an utterly revolting school tie. Lastly I slip on a grey pinafore that wouldn’t look out of place on a schoolgirl, save that no school would even consider allowing a student to wear a skirt this short. Pulling my hair out of the ponytail I often wear I rearrange it in two bunches, and tie it with ribbons in exaggerated bows.
Last and not least I slide my feet into a pair of high-heeled Mary-Jane shoes and strike a pose in the mirror. A hot and very naughty St Trinians schoolgirl looks back at me. Master Daimon has a thing for school uniforms, I know. To complete my look I sit at my dresser and apply a heavy layer of fairly slutty make-up to complete the picture of a deliberately naughty girl. I have no doubt he’ll take the opportunity to spank me, frequently.
I’m rather looking forward to it…
When I return downstairs Danielle is already back in her maid uniform and working in the kitchen. She has that slightly flustered look on her face that tells me that her chastity device is back on, and she didn’t get any relief. She looks up from cleaning the work-surface as I enter and her jaw nearly drops.
“Wow, you’re certainly dressing to please Master Daimon,” she compliments me.
“That’s the plan,” I say, with a smile. “Is Mistress in her study?”
“Of course,” Danielle affirms.
“Thank you sweety,” I say, and kiss her cheek before strutting off to find Mistress Trudy. She is still in her catsuit, sat at her desk with those awesome legs crossed under the desk – a place I know well, for obvious reasons. She glanced up as I entered the room, her thick, glossy red hair tumbling past one shoulder.
“Someone’s been paying attention,” she chuckled as she took in my costume.
“Thank you Mistress,” I say with a polite little curtsey.
Her eyes narrowed.
“Lydia, are you wearing knickers?” she demanded ominously, turning her swivel chair to face me away from her desk.
I swallowed hard. It’s a standing rule that under normal circumstances I don’t wear panties at all, that way my sex is always available with a minimum of effort (given how short my skirts often are) to my Mistress and Master.
Nervously I approach Mistress Trudy, already feeling like naughty schoolgirl.
“But Master Daimon likes his schoolgirls to be wearing pretty panties he can pull down when he spanks them, Mistress,” I say very meekly. “I am very sorry for being so disobedient, Mistress, I should have acquired permission before doing so,” I add contritely.
Mistress merely uncrossed her legs and pointed sternly at her lap, the simple command that I was about to get an over-the-knee spanking. With a sigh and no sign of protest I duly draped myself over her lap, facing down with my butt in the air, revealing the lace-ruffled knickers in all their glory. I can feel my pussy tingling and my nipples going hard: this ritualized, deliberate form of punishment is what pushes all my buttons.
“He likes to pull them down, does he?” Mistress says, as she tugs my panties down off my derrière. I have a nice bum, if I say so myself, something Mistress enjoys tormenting every chance she gets. I still have red welts on it from this morning’s pony-session, and now it seems I am to get more.
“Yes Mistress,” I confirm, squirming my bare ass in a way I hope is inviting. Her hand strokes my rump slowly and lightly.
“And spanks you?”
“Yes Mistress, he likes that very much and I –” my words are interrupted by a sudden stinging blow to my bare cheek. Then a second on the other cheek, and another, as Mistress Trudy delivers a flurry of spanks, randomly alternating which cheek of my ass receives them. I squeak and wriggle as the sting and the burn sinks into my ass, and presses buttons deep inside me. My pussy is wet, and I am hungry to feel a touch on my slick lips, or a caress on my tingling button.
 Panties, if you are American, usually referring to more old-fashioned styles of underwear.
Barnes & Noble: http://tinyurl.com/q5ocgj6